Thursday, September 08, 2005

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Refuting gravity with the argument for an intelligent higher power "pushing things down." Very funny take on the intelligent design debate.

Monday, September 05, 2005

InstaWell

Insta-Well

I’ve developed a revolutionary instant wellness program with proven, spectacular results! Yes, that’s right—by following my trademarked, patent-pending, system you too can change your life in just thirty days. How much would you pay for a system so advanced that it’s virtually guaranteed to improve your life?

Wait! Don’t answer yet—first you need to hear the best part: unlike traditional systems that have complex rules and arcane formulas, the ground-breaking “Insta-Well” program works with only three easy to understand steps! That’s right, three steps a day and you are guaranteed to experience a slimmer body, better sex, more clarity, improved relationships, better health, lower disease rates, elevated moods, and significant improvements in longevity! Three steps can do all this? That’s right! Now how much would you pay?

Well, say no more because here’s the best part of all—Insta-Well is absolutely free! That’s right, for just zero payments of zero dollars per month you can have the complete Insta-Well system. In fact just for reading this blog, the Insta-Well system will be revealed.

There’s only one catch: if the system proves as explosively effective for you as it has for millions of other loyal InstaWell customers, you must pass it on to your peers, family and coworkers so that they too can benefit from this revolutionary breakthrough.

If you agree to the terms above then read on, and become one of the millions of satisfied users of the most ingenious wellness system ever devised.

INSTA-WELL PROGRAM.

1. Get enough sleep.
2. Exercise in the morning.
3. Eat right during the day.